Friends are really important. Especially when you are a mom and you need someone to talk to about your crazy children and you need advice or just someone to listen about things going on in your family and marriage. I moved to NC in 2005. I left behind a pretty large group of supportive friends who I have known since I was 14. When I moved It was only supposed to be for one year. I joined the AmeriCorps after college and served the Corporation for National & Community Service as a VISTA (Volunteer In Service to America). I had all intentions of moving back to Michigan, but I fell in love and the rest is history. I wouldn’t change my story for anything. I am happily married and have two amazing children. But, I miss my friends. I have lived here for 13 years and I still feel lonely in the friend department.

I have met some great friends here, but I miss the connection that I had with the girls that I was friends with back home. The girls back home I grew up with. We shared so much together and they knew everything about me. I’m not saying that the friends I do have here in NC aren’t great, because they are, but it is different. I feel like God uses me here to help my friends in NC. I feel that I am there to listen and support them. I feel like I can act as “their person” with absolutely no problem at all.  I don’t know why, but I don’t share my feelings or life with them. I don’t open up about myself or my struggles like I do to the girls back home. I can’t blame my girls here for not “being there” for me, because I never ask them to. But for some reason, I just don’t break the surface with most of my friends here and I think that is why I miss the girls in Michigan so much. I’m blessed with a great husband and children, but sometimes you just need girlfriends to share life with.

So, sometimes I throw a pity party for myself. Social Media can make me go into a funk pretty easily. On Facebook I see them all together. Celebrating each other and the important days in their lives – birthdays and holidays and sharing births, baptisms, birthday’s of their children. But also the every day things. Their parties, nights out on the town and it is especially hard for me when I see all the girls together for a girls weekend. It makes me sad that they don’t know my husband or children very well and that I don’t know theirs, either.

I just keep plugging away at life. I try to talk myself through what is bothering me and I call and text my best friend when I really need a pep talk. But, a cell phone cannot take the place of a best friend. My husband is helpful, but he is a man…and doesn’t always understand the girl things that girlfriends get so easily. Maybe I need to work at the friendships I have here. Maybe I need to stop comparing everyone with the girls I left back home. I don’t know what I need to do but today I felt sad and missed them a whole lot.

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To say or not to say?

March 1, Hesitate

I like to share my opinion. When I’m talking about a subject I’m passionate about I have a hard time not speaking my mind. Sometimes at a meeting or during a conversation with a friend I will say too much. Afterwards, I’ll regret what I said or I’ll second guess myself. Did I say the right thing? Did I upset someone? If I would hesitate and really think about what I want to say, will I change my message? Will time make me change my mind about what I’m trying to get across? Should I have listened more and talked less? Or waited until the next morning to send that email? Or text?

I’ve been pretty confident in myself since I was a little girl. I’m social and love to network. I’m a hard worker and always get the “job done”. I’ve always had an opinion. I’m passionate about things I care about. Sometimes, these qualities have earned me a reputation of being a “B”.  I don’t (usually) let others walk all over me. If I was a man I would have been labeled as a leader but I’m a woman so I get a negative label, instead. 

I don’t think there is anything wrong with being a strong, independent woman. I have a daughter that I am raising to be the same way! Why is it that a woman who is a leader is a “B” but a man is an ambitious leader? I want my daughter to be confident. To be able to talk to anyone no matter what their social class or economic background. Just because you are a rich CEO doesn’t mean that I can’t talk to you with confidence. Just because you are the superintendent doesn’t mean that I can’t share my thoughts and ideas in a professional setting. I’m not a “B” because I have a voice. 

All that said, there have been times where I wish I would have hesitated, wish I would have waited, wish I would have prayed about my response, first. I think I’ll work a little on this hesitating thing. 😉